An elegy for the feelings that we kept secret

Photo by Engin Akyurt @pexels

Often, it's the unspoken things that can make a big impact on our life. Unaware of their big impact on us, there are romances that never stood a chance, because we simply never gave them a chance. As a proud Cancerian, I will use this small personal space, to ponder about those what if''s that keep me awake on February nights...

Some love stories are written deep in our skin, like a tatoo that doesn't fade. That was my -very platonic- love to D. Of course I vas even more shy back in my school years so the only proof I have from that time are a ton of notebooks and diaries that dive into a very detailed timeline of my big, heartbreaking "nothing happened". I was a wall flower, he was a serious socialiser, I was pretty much unknown, he was the most popular guy. I didn't have a chance, but at least I believed and hoped that after some time, my feelings would turn bland and any memories of his would fade.

Photo by Mikhail Nilov @pexels

But  almost two decades and five notebooks later, I've been reflecting on the importance of expressing our romantic feelings openly, since I know now that feelings that are kept secret rarely fade and keeping those emotions locked away can do more harm than good. When we bottle up what we feel, we create a wall between ourselves and others, missing opportunities for connection, joy, and even love. I tried to protect my heart from heartbreak, and in return it paid me back with this unbearable"what if" question.

Being vulnerable can be scary, but it's also incredibly liberating. Sharing our feelings allows us to embrace our true selves and have some closure. In my other romances I got to know those people. I saw them, I judged them, and stayed friends with some, or totally banished some others out of my life. But D will always be on that unreachable place, an ideal guy who just looks from above his pedestal, and who in reality could be the most boring person for all I know.

Photo by LML 6768@pexels

In a world where time is fleeting and moments are precious,unexpressed feelings are the ultimate way to punish ourselves... So let's dare to open our hearts, communicate our emotions, and allow love to flourish. After all, the more we share, the more we connect—and isn’t that what life is all about?